I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
As shirtless as possible
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Randomize
