everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
