im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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