It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
