dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
