I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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