i always forget guys have bellybuttons
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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