Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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