Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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