I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
