I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
