when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
