i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
