my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
