I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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