I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
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