Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
So many bounce houses so little time
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
