When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
