The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
He better not be in your backpack
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
