my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
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