I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
