Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize