I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
