Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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