Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
