hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
This gyro tastes like lonliness
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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