dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
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