Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
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