Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Can I color on your dick again?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize