I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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