How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
