Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
