I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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