I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize
