youre lurking in front of me
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
