I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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