Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
Randomize
