Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
