I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
