I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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