it wasn't lemon gatorade
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I could make wine with my vomit
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
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