Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I Think it is all interconnected. Emma caused most of the nakedness
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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