hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
