Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
