I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Randomize
