so that wasnt chicken after all
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
