So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
