Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
