Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Randomize