Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
