I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
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