all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
