I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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