you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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