lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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