I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
