Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
