How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
