he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
