If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
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