I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
