Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
