but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
