Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
