I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Randomize
