she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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