Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
