Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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