I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I had to cum in my sink.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
