I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
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