I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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