Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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