I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
