My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
