My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
