i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
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