Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize