Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
