please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
