I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
