WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
