I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
false alarm. still invincible.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
