then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
